The Firefighter's Wife Tips For Newly Married Firefighter Wives
You just got married, the honeymoon has passed, your firefighter went back to work. You’re navigating the “single married life” and thinking to yourself “what the heck am I supposed to do now?”
Don’t worry, I’ve got you! This blog post is going to give you 5 kick ass tips to surviving shift day, California’s Fire Season, and everything else that goes along with being married to a firefighter. Are you ready? Let’s go!
your Happiness is your problem
I’m going to kick this thang off with some cold hard truth: you are responsible for your own happiness. Not your firefighter. Not your kids. You.
Being a firefighter's wife does not mean that my happiness is at the mercy of his career. It means that the only way I am going to attain happiness, is to pursue it myself.⠀Once I discovered this, being married to a firefighter no longer meant loneliness, pressure, stress, or anxiety. No, in fact, it means putting one foot in front of the other, every single day, in pursuit of my own happiness.⠀⠀
Ladies, you do not have to sit at home and mope while your firefighter is away. Your happiness is not at the mercy of his career. Don’t let guilt set in if you attend family functions, birthday parties, weddings, and social gatherings without him. I know that you will miss him and that’s okay, but you deserve to have friends and cultivate relationships even when he is working. You CAN watch an episode of “insert favorite tv show here” without him! Don’t wait to pop open that expensive bottle of champagne, you made it through another day without a meltdown you deserve to be celebrated! Have a dance party for one in the living room to shake off a funky day. If you’ve been waiting for permission to celebrate you, this is it!
If you are unsure what it is that brings you happiness, experiment and try new things. If you have kiddos at home, drag them along with you. Your happiness is not at the mercy of his career, so get out there and find things that bring you joy!
Get Yoself a Crew
Finding a group of ladies who live and understand the #firewifelife is invaluable. Make friends with The old salty fire wife at your husband’s station, she is your best ally because she’s been through most of it and is likely to have a solution for nearly every problem you’re going to face. At this point in my firefighter’s career, I’m the pretty old and salty. I love it when newer fire wives reach out to me for advise. It gives me purpose and I get to hand down my knowledge to a new generation of bad ass babes. Win/win for everyone!
With all the resources available on the internet, finding an online forum of likeminded people who are in your same station in life can be pretty simple. For example, I help administer a facebook group specifically for Cal Fire Wives/Girlfriends where Cal Fire wives just like me, can connect and share their lives. It has been a tremendous resource to so many and I am so lucky to be a part of it! A simple google search may find you jus what you’re looking for!
Find your fire wife tribe and love them hard!
There Is No Handbook
Even if there was, I would tell you to burn it! I have read a few books written specifically for Fire Wives and I must say that even though there were some good tips in them, I didn’t find them relevant or even applicable to our lifestyle. I am a working mother of three and I though I respect my husband and his agency, I do not bow to the principle that it’s all about him and his comfortability. He chose to be married and have children and while I sympathize with things that he goes through, I do not allow that to dictate my life. I am all about knowing who I am, pursuing my dreams, and having his support in that, while also supporting him in his.
All that to say, even though the job may be similar, each of us experiences it differently. What may work for one family, may be totally wrong for another. You have to find what works best for you.
A lot of experimenting and sleepless nights went into me finding my normal and I am happy to share with you all. Likewise, if you have found your groove and have advise to share, GO FOR IT! The fire wife community could use more encouraging hearts speaking into the void!
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Let me say that again for those in the back row that may not have heard it: Girl, you’ve gotta communicate. Communication is like air traffic control for your marriage. Sometimes you’ve gotta send up an SOS to your firefighter. Even if it means sending it by smoke signal!
Even if he’s on a fire, he needs you to communicate your needs to him. Pick up the phone, get yo’self on facetime, holy heck, send a telegram if you have to, but COMMUNICATE! He doesn’t get a free pass just because he has a stressful job. We all have jobs to do and one is not more important than the other. It is important for him to be safe, however, it is not your responsibility to shelter him. When you have a bad day, tell him. If something goes sideways at home, share. If you need a break, he needs to know. Talk to him. He’s wants and needs to know so that he can help.
With California’s fire season (ok, let’s get real, there is no “fire season”) increasing in intensity and longevity, our children have become increasingly aware of the dangers their dad faces. They have started to react negatively to smoke in the air and have panic attacks when my husband leaves for a shift. We had to make a decision as a family how to tackle this and came to the conclusion that it may be better for my husband to take a promotion to a command center this year than be out in the field. While this limited his ability to promote, it also made the most sense for our family. If I hadn’t communicated our fears and needs, he may very well be heading into one of the worst fire seasons in the state’s history.
Communication is king in the relationship with your firefighter!
Murphy aint’ got nothin’ on you!
That pesky little law that states: when your firefighter is at work, the faucet will begin to leak, and the light bulbs will need changing. Girl, get yourself a tool box and get on that! Guess what, you don’t need your firefighter to fix anything for you because when little things like this go sideways and you are able to fix them, just imagine how you will handle something serious going wrong. Head into every situation with confidence and you will be a-ok.
In the fire service, things can and will go sideways. Sometimes we get that surprising text in the middle of the day that says, “I am safe” and then hear nothing for 24 to 48 hours. There isn’t room during these times for panic. I pray, ask my homies for support, and muster up the courage to go on with my day. I depend on the theory that “no news is good news”. I have to trust that he is well trained and his crew has his back.
If I can tackled that pesky leaky faucet on my own, I can handle any surprise that comes my way. We do what it takes to get the job done.
I’m not saying that I have it all together or that life is always this simple, but I truly believe that if you apply these simple concepts to your relationship, you’ll be throwing dance parties in your living room (like me) in no time!
If you’re a new firefighter wife, I would love to know if this post was helpful! I would also love to give you a little love in the comments! Call all Salty Fire Wives: Now that you have read my tips, do you have any to add yourself?
Chelsi has been navigating the rigors of being a firefighter’s wife for over 11 years. She is available for interviews, guest writing and speaking events. If you are interested in booking her for your Fire Service related event or program, please send her a message here.
Chelsi is a destination wedding and couples photographer based in Mendocino, California. She lives for seeing the world, capturing authentic love, and making people feel fabulous. Her style is authentic and emotionally captivating. She believes in laughing too much, singing too loud (even when you don’t know the words) and most importantly living life to the fullest. Chelsi prefers capturing each of your beautiful authentic moments that evoke emotions over perfectly posed photographs.
Fort Bragg, California Ten Mile Dunes Adventurous Couple Session | Mandy & Sean
Anytime I get a wild hair and want to try a new location for photos, I think of Mandy & Sean. They have been posing in front of my lens for 8+ years and I feel like the luckiest photographer alive to be blessed by their friendship and love story.
I have been dreaming about a sand dune session and Mandy had a perfect dress in her cart at Lulus, so when I asked if she and her hubby were up for a session, she jumped on the chance. These two were perfect the weirdos to model for this session because they weren’t afraid to let loose, get silly (we’re talking goofy folks), and have all the fun! Even though at times they probably thought my directions were cray cray, they accepted the challenge and went all out to create beautiful and authentic moments together.
And as if all of that isn’t enough, their love story! It’s so goooood ya’ll.
Mandy & Sean are high school sweethearts, but have known each other since they were little tykes. Nearly 20 years ago at the age of 14, they knew. Despite what the adults told them, they knew that they would spend the rest of their lives loving each other. Together they have face some insurmountable struggles and come out on the other end loving each other more than ever. You may remember Mandy from this post. Almost 7 years ago now, she battled cancer, and lemme tell ya, she kicked it’s butt! However, her fight didn’t come without struggle. It took everything she had to win that battle. And the best part of the story is that Sean was her biggest cheerleader. Never doubting for a moment that she could kick it. He was by her side, cheering her on the whole time.
Sean & Mandy are now living their best life in a gorgeous home on the coast with their two beautiful children. If you had asked them all those many years ago if this is the life they expected, their answer would have undoubtedly have been, “LET’S DO THIS”.
Now without further ado, I give you Mandy & Sean………
Chelsi is a destination wedding and couples photographer based in Fort Bragg, California. She loves to travel and will go anywhere to capture life's sweetest moments. She lives for seeing the world, capturing authentic love, and making people feel fabulous. Her style is emotive, authentic, and fun. She believes in laughing too much, singing too loud, and most importantly living life to the fullest and prefers capturing every single authentic moments that evoke emotion over perfectly posed photos.
Are you ready for an adventure with the love of your life?
Dear Firefighter Wife
Dear Firefighter Wife,
I see you struggling to get through the worst fire season ever, which by now you know, is every fire season. I hear you comforting your babies and telling them that daddy is safe and will come home soon. I know that you are sleeping alone in that great big bed that you usually share together. That pillow you are cuddling is no replacement for him. You are incredibly strong for knowing the craziness that comes with his career and choosing him anyway. Having been married 11 years to a man, who would do anything to protect life and property from fires, has taught me a few things that I wish I had known from the beginning:
Long hours and sleepless nights are no excuse for a bad attitude, you are both doing a hard job. Do your best to understand each other and lift one another up with support. Even though you are exhausted and some days you wish he would choose a different career, you know that he was born for what he is doing, it makes him happy, and that is good enough for you.
Your life can’t stop because he is away on duty. Spend time with the people you care about and will be there when you need them. Go alone if you must. Drag the kids along with you. Don’t miss that movie that you want to see in the movie theater. Just because he’s on duty, it doesn’t mean that your life is over.
Things will go sideways, learn to pray, ask for help, and TRUST. HIS. TRAINING!
Find a salty old fire wife to talk to. You have no idea what's in store, and she's going to help you navigate the road ahead. (SPOILER ALERT: I am the salty old fire wife)
It's okay to go to counseling, it doesn't mean your marriage is over. You HAVE to talk to each other, and sometimes a mediator is necessary so that you can be raw and real.
There is no handbook and even if there was I would advise you to burn it. Everything is changing all that time and loving a person means that you have to go with the flow.
Your kids are going to be okay. They will admire him for his bravery and good work he is doing. They will miss him, however the pride that they feel will help them get through the loneliness.
He wants to know how you feel so that he can be a better person for you. If you push down all your feelings to save his, he can’t help. Let him in. HE LOVES YOU even when he is away. He misses you just as much as you miss him.
And finally, celebrate every year that your marriage transcends the rigors of his job because you are both working hard to keep this marriage alive.
Yours Truly,
A Salty Old Californian Fire Wife
Chelsi has been navigating the rigors of being a firefighter’s wife for over 11 years. She is available for interviews, guest writing and speaking events. If you are interested in booking her for your Fire Service related event or program, please send her a message here.
Chelsi is also a wedding photographer based in Mendocino, California but travels nationwide. She lives for chasing beauty in the world, capturing authentic love, and encouraging people to be their true selves. Her style is authentic, real, and emotional. She believes in dancing as if no one is watching, laughing even at the dumbest jokes, and capturing real life, give me all the feels, emotional photographs of your most precious moments.
Albion River Inn Wedding in Albion, California || Ana + Cory
Anytime an event is planned outdoors in April on the Mendocino Coast there is a risk of rain showers. The day before Ana + Cory were to be married at Albion River Inn, it was pouring. I was starting to get a little nervous, so I ordered rain gear for myself and my camera. I contacted Cory and let them know that they may need an alternate plan for their ceremony. The forecast called for more of the same on their wedding day. They came prepared with clear umbrellas and water resistant boots.
On the day of their wedding, 10 minutes before we were supposed to start their bridals and family photos, it started raining sideways and then like magic when we stepped out of the car at Spring Ranch, an old cattle ranch in Little River, California, the downpour turned to a sprinkle. They hid beneath their umbrellas for a little while and then decided to live dangerously and dance in the rain.
As we approached the inn, the rain stopped entirely and they were able to have their ceremony on the lawn overlooking the ocean as planned. My words can not do this wedding justice, so you’re going to have to see it for yourself. So without further ado, Ana & Cory’s Albion River Inn Wedding:
Chelsi is a wedding photographer based in Mendocino, California but travels nationwide. She lives for chasing beauty in the world, capturing authentic love, and encouraging people to be their true selves. Her style is authentic, real, and emotional. She believes in dancing as if no one is watching, laughing even at the dumbest jokes, and capturing real life, give me all the feels, emotional photographs of your most precious moments.
Vanna Freeberg of Elope Mendocino
“Thank you Chelsi for your professionalism, talent, and phenomenally big heart and sweet spirit. You are a natural behind the camera, and have the most remarkable ability to put couples at ease. Elope Mendocino thanks you from the bottom of their heart! xo ♥ xo”
“Thank you Chelsi for your professionalism, talent, and phenomenally big heart and sweet spirit. You are a natural behind the camera, and have the most remarkable ability to put couples at ease. Elope Mendocino thanks you from the bottom of their heart! xo ♥ xo”
Monica & JT
“Chelsi and I have been best friends since childhood, and when she took photos for my husband's and my five year anniversary, she did an AMAZING job!
Chelsi and I had talked about us getting in front of her lens for years, but when we'd come for visits we'd get to talking and reminiscing and forget about going out for a photo shoot. But on this occasion, we finally got around to it and I was THRILLED with the results!
Chelsi is not only a great friend, but an amazing photographer and truly goes the extra mile to make her subjects feel comfortable and natural while taking amazing photos in awesome locations! I love checking out Chelsi's photos and seeing what she's getting into next, how she's changing people's lives with her amazing work and capturing the special moments of their lives.”
“Chelsi and I have been best friends since childhood, and when she took photos for my husband's and my five year anniversary, she did an AMAZING job!
Chelsi and I had talked about us getting in front of her lens for years, but when we'd come for visits we'd get to talking and reminiscing and forget about going out for a photo shoot. But on this occasion, we finally got around to it and I was THRILLED with the results!
Chelsi is not only a great friend, but an amazing photographer and truly goes the extra mile to make her subjects feel comfortable and natural while taking amazing photos in awesome locations! I love checking out Chelsi's photos and seeing what she's getting into next, how she's changing people's lives with her amazing work and capturing the special moments of their lives.”
Molly & Stefano
“My husband and I hired Chelsi to photograph our wedding ceremony in Fort Bragg. She was very accommodating and able to meet with us around our hectic schedule.
Chelsi was on time, friendly and made me feel at ease about the process which was extremely helpful as I was nervous about the wedding. We received our photograph via an online photo album which we were able to share with friends and family. We are extremely satisfied with how our photos turned out! Thanks so much!”
“My husband and I hired Chelsi to photograph our wedding ceremony in Fort Bragg. She was very accommodating and able to meet with us around our hectic schedule.
Chelsi was on time, friendly and made me feel at ease about the process which was extremely helpful as I was nervous about the wedding. We received our photograph via an online photo album which we were able to share with friends and family. We are extremely satisfied with how our photos turned out! Thanks so much!”
Crystal & Dominic
“A huge huge huge shoutout to McFadden Studios these incredible photos. It was our first photo shoot together ever and she made us feel so comfortable, and really wanted to highlight who we were as a couple. She truly went above and beyond for us, following us down long muddy roads and hiking down to this waterfall with full equipment, after a storm, in flats! To give us what we wanted. We are ecstatic about the way these turned out and we are beyond grateful. We can’t wait for her to photograph our wedding!!”
“A huge huge huge shoutout to McFadden Studios these incredible photos. It was our first photo shoot together ever and she made us feel so comfortable, and really wanted to highlight who we were as a couple. She truly went above and beyond for us, following us down long muddy roads and hiking down to this waterfall with full equipment, after a storm, in flats! To give us what we wanted. We are ecstatic about the way these turned out and we are beyond grateful. We can’t wait for her to photograph our wedding!!”